Control
by CaramelizedGlasses
Summary: A 2-Shot. Elsa, 14, struggles to have control. She keeps on losing it, over and over again, keeps on living in the past, and keeps on fearing herself. At the edge of her sadness, she decides that maybe, the world would be better off without her and the thought of death crosses her mind. But when a certain guardian interferes in the process, would she find a new light?


_'What have I done?'_

_This was the lone thought invading my mind at the moment as I stood still beneath the pale moon amidst the strong blizzard, staring at the lifeless body of my parents in front of me._

_'This is all my fault.'_

_I did this. I froze them with this curse of mine!_

_Ironically, I was frozen in place; not being able to move a single limb in my body. Only the tears streaming down my cheeks proved to me that I was still living rather, suffering. Hearing the rumbling sounds of footsteps approaching, I snapped back into reality only to hear the shocked gasps of people around me._

_"Princess Elsa? What have you done?", a guard stuttered out._

_"It-it was an acci-", I cried, fear obvious within my voice._

_"Monster! You're a monster not a princess nor a person!" a villager screamed clutching her child dearly within her arms._

_"I never meant for this to happen!", I stammered._

_"Let's burn her!", a rebellious voice proclaimed._

_"Witch!"_

_"Yeah, kill the sorceress!"_

_They chanted more and more of these threats not knowing that each word they mutter was a dagger pointing at my heart._

_'Heart? I don't have one. Do I?'_

_They continued throwing treacherous words at me accusing me of being a form of evil and maybe they were right. Maybe I am a devil to them; someone who could only bring harm and suffering._

_Maybe they were better off without me. Maybe I deserved to die._

_No. No. NO! I am not a monster!_

_I desperately tried to cover my ears from receiving anymore doubtful thoughts but I tried in vain. It only made their voices stronger._

_"Stop. Please. Please stop.", I whispered yet only the wind could hear me._

_I curled up in a ball, enduring the pain they kept on inflicting on me. I kept on struggling to cover my ears until I just couldn't take it anymore._

_"STOP IT.", I screamed in a form of a roar._

_The blizzard kept on growing stronger and stronger blowing out the flames of the torches that the villagers were planning to use against me. They ignored my words thus pushing me to my limits._

_"STOP IT!", I screamed once more, shutting my eyes tight. Without my control, ice burst out from my hands._

_It stopped. The voices finally stopped._

_I calmed down causing the snow to slowly dissipate and soothe my mind._

_"Elsa?", a voice called out. I opened my eyes and turned around only to see a truly horrific scene. The villagers were all dead. Every single one of them was frozen into ice sculptures. Turning my head once more , I found the source of the voice._

_It was my sister, Anna._

_"Anna.", I stood up in order to approach her but the strength in my knees failed to give the support I needed._

_"STAY AWAY FROM ME! YOU'RE A MONSTER!", she yelled at me, breaking my heart and confirming the truth from the doubts I achieved earlier._

_The tears kept on coming and freezing in contact with my skin. They overflowed as I took a glance at Anna's retreating figure; her fear; the white streak in her hair._

_"You're right. I really am a monster.", I thought and collapsed into a dark hole spiraling down and down and down._

_'I'm sorry mom. I'm sorry dad."_

* * *

Jolting awake, I opened my eyes, revealing two icy orbs.

"It was only a nightmare. Only a nightmare. Just a nightmare; a horrible dream. It was not real. Everyone is fine. Conceal, don't feel. ", I repeated over and over as if it was a mantra of mine. I observed my surroundings and saw only one thing: ice. Blue, pale, cold ice. Everything was coated with thin ice, the walls, the windows, the ceilings, even my bed was covered in the said item. The color only reminded me of the white streak in my sister's hair. Memories started to invade my thoughts. Memories that included me hurting my precious sister.

"I'm a monster.", I sighed, brushing off a platinum strand of hair off my pale face.

Standing up and removing the sheets that were once a royal shade of violet, now pale and a mixture of different shades of blue. I approached the window beside my bed and smashed the sheer ice with my bare hands, allowing me to see the moon and to see another color from my thin fingers. Red. Blood stained my skin. Seeing it gave me back reality; a destination different from this winter nightmare.

I shifted my sight towards the window and saw the huge, bright, and shining moon. The moon was always there for me, smiling and observing my every action. Seeing it never failed to make me smile. It was simply and oddly comforting for me. If I were alone and troubled, I would talk to it; speak out my mind and share my thoughts. Right now, after experiencing that horrible nightmare, I was troubled. So, I spoke to the moon, my friend.

After being satisfied and comfortable of describing my dream and pouring out my emotions, the snow within the room vanished, leaving only small traces of ice and the cool effect of the low temperature. Smiling softly, I stood up and took a small blue book from one of the five shelves full of literature within my room. Staring up once more at the reflection of the lunar object, I said, "This is the book my mother used to read to me and Anna ." Feeling the rough and engraved texture of the title, 'Guardians', I uncontrollably froze a slight portion of the text. I frowned at what I did.

I then brushed off the dust covering the hard cover and skimmed through the parchment inside; careful not to let a huge portion of each page come in contact with my skin. I grinned as I saw different images of fantasies that I, as a child together with Anna, believed in. I giggled when I saw the image of Santa Claus along with his long white beard and huge belly. My grin grew broader when I remembered the time wherein Anna and I snuck into the halls and open our presents before the clock's hand stroke at midnight signaling Christmas. Advancing to the next page, I saw the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, Sandman, the Bogeyman, Leprechaun, Cupid, etc.

Nearing the last few pages, a certain character caught my eye.

"Jack Frost.", I involuntarily whispered.

The popular saying, 'Jack Frost nipping at your nose', entered my mind and caused a smile to dance on my lips. Chuckling to myself, I reminisced how mom always said these words to Anna during winter whenever she gets a cold. "Jack Frost never nips at my nose. The cold never bothered me anyway,", I smiled proudly at the moon. I read every detail written on the page; how he looked life, (I couldn't help but chuckle at the fact that he undeniably took on the appearance of a snowman.) what he could do, and of course, his ability to control ice and snow.

Despite my admiration, I was envious of him. And despite my envy, I was feeling desperation.

I admired him because of his astounding ability to be able to keep his powers in control and not fail. I envied him because of that same ability since I, on the other hand, was the exact opposite of control and the facsimile of danger. I was desperate because I felt scared and afraid of what I could do. I feared myself.

I felt my grip tighten on the book as well as ice forming on it, emotions surging out of control. I immediately put it down with the thought that it was after all, the last thing reminding me of how things were before. Letting out yet another frustrated sigh, I lightly caressed the glossy pane of the window despite its ragged edges, forming different designs of snowflakes. This seemed to calm me down. I was carried away by the amazing things that I could do; every time my finger slid across the glass, a design would present itself. It was so beautiful, so elegant.

I wish Anna could see this. She loved it when I show her as she quoted, "The Magic". I imagined her right here, by my side, pointing at the different wonders that I created. I smiled at the thought. We could be together, again, having fun. We could drink chocolate together and talk. Actually talk. As for the last 7 years of my life, we never ever have spoken to one another, only her knocks and constant attempts to get me out would remind me that-

What am I thinking?

I stopped my actions and curled my fingers, slowly backing them away from the glass.

What was I thinking?

I don't want that. I don't want Anna to ever get hurt. Why was I even thinking about those? About hurting her? I shook my head violently in order to try and get

Frost was starting to coat the walls. Ice replaced the floor and the ceiling. I was starting to lose control. Again. "Calm down, Elsa. Conceal, don't feel. Conceal don't feel.", I whispered, repeating it over and over. I reached out to let my fingers be in contact with the window once more, to create those intricate designs that always comfort me. "Conceal, don't feel.", I whispered gently.

But,something else happened. Snowflakes didn't form at all. Instead of them, icicles shot out. Sharp, harmful pieces of ice appeared. My blue eyes widened at my creation. They were only an inch away from my face, a platinum streak of hair hanging over one.

"I said, 'Conceal!'"

I immediately backed away, curling up in a form of a ball. "Why can't I just control it?", I sobbed out as a minuscule tear streaked my pale face. Before I knew it, it froze at the contact of my skin. I laughed bitterly at what happened. Wouldn't it be better if I just die? I stared at the icicle. I slowly walked towards it, each step, adding another sheet of ice to the already frozen floor.

I broke a sharp piece from it. I envisioned it. I envisioned that this piece would be the answer to all my problems. That this piece would give me freedom. How? Through death. I could finally be away from all the thing haunting me and I would never be able to hurt anyone again. Seeing my reflection in the ice, I smiled, saying, "Goodbye."

I shut my eyes tight. Memories flashing right in front of me.

"I honestly can't remember doing this.", a voice echoed out of nowhere.

Shocked at hearing the voice, I looked around the room and my view landed on a boy with striking blue ice and silver hair.

"Who are you?", I asked, forfeiting my actions from earlier.

"Why were you trying to kill yourself?", was his reply accompanied by the obvious worry in his eyes.


End file.
